The True Feelings Of Two Brothers
by MarieChristinx
Summary: .. A bit hate against Destiel , I like Destiel but hell , does nobody see how perfect Calthazar is?


.. The True feelings of two Brother. The Story behind everything.

A little story about Balthazar and Castiel.. at least , it's the truth.

Balthazar and Castiel , two Brothers , two Angels , two soldier's of God , two true friends. They fought together , many , many times. In Balthazar's words , 'Too many times to count'. Everything's changed as a war was up there , in heaven. The Angels thought Balthazar died in a war , he was gone. The truth is , he didn't died. He faked his death. He stole the weapons , the weapons of the Heaven. He has been hiding for a long , long time. He lived on earth , lived in an hedonistic lifestyle , it seemed like that he actually loved it. That he was sure that he was doing the right thing there. But even if Balthazar was such an arrogant and sarcastic self , there was something or better someone which he missed , he didn't showed it , he wasn't someone for feelings or something like this. So , Castiel still thought that is older Brother were dead.

Castiel had something to do. There was a man , the name of the man , of the human were , Dean Winchester. This man , were in Hell , 'cause of his own stupidity , he made a deal with a demon to save his younger brother , Sam Winchester. And now Castiel had to save this man from hell , why? He were the Vessel of the Archangel Michael. They needed him for the fight against Lucifer. Castiel were still a honorable soldier he always did what he had to do. Between the Winchesters and Castiel were everything about business, well for this moment.. but it changed fast. We could say , as Castiel saved the Human from hell , as he laid his hand on Dean Winchesters , he were lost. It didn't took long till he decided to rebel. He said , 'yes' to all those human feelings. He killed his brothers , the brothers he loved , for Dean Winchester. He gave up everything , we could say , he was blind. He didn't saw that specially Dean , just called him , if he needed his help. They were 'friends' , well , if you can call it a friendship. I'm sure that Castiel thought that it was real , but it wasn't at all. They spend a lot of time together. Castiel helped these humans , even if they didn't cared about him at all. He even forgot Balthazar , the one who were the most important 'person' for him. After all the weeks , after all that months.. Castiel , felt love for this Human , he fall in love with Dean Winchester. Now , Dean Winchester saw his chance , he made it. He drove that Angel , which were such an honorable soldier , blind.

Sure , that was he wanted. The Angel didn't saw the intrigue of the Human , he didn't knew such things. Of course Dean Winchester said that he would feel the same , such a big liar he is.

Now , they were together , a truthful Angel and a mendacious Human.

Castiel was on his side and since the Winchester Brother's were hunters they found some signs about a stolen weapon of the heaven. Of course Castiel still didn't knew that Balthazar were the one who stole all those weapons. Balthazar was a dealer. He dealt with souls of humans , they were nearly priceless at this time , there was a little guy , which wanted revenge. Balthazar saw his chance and made a deal. The soul against a holy weapon with which the little guy could take his revenge. He was a child , he didn't knew what he just did.

Castiel and the Winchesters found this child , they followed the track. Castiel saw immediately that something was wrong here , after some 'tests' he came to he resolution that this children were soulless. Dean and Sam Winchester wanted to know who did that to him. They always wanted to save as much people as they could , well.. at least they just liked it to kill some 'monsters'. Castiel searched for a mark , searched for a sign , he wanted that his 'Boyfriend' would be proud of him. But what he found made even him , almost speechless.

There was a mark , the mark of Balthazar. Balthazar , his beloved Brother , the one he thought who would be dead. Immediately he searched him. Of course he did. And there he was , he stood in front of Balthazar. Minutes past by , he just stared at him , he wasn't able to say anything. Just like Balthazar , after such a long time , Castiel was there. He knew how he found him, it wasn't intentional , but even if he knew that Castiel wouldn't advocate what he did , he was glad to see him. Castiel , how to explain how he felt right now .. Happy? Mad? Pissed? Glad? Relieved? Or maybe confused? Who knows. They never had such an intensive moment. Suddenly there was something , something what never was there before. Something awkward , something strange. I'm sure both couldn't say what it was. After a while , Balthazar stepped closer to his younger brother , he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He just let it happen , more and more steps. He stood right in front of him , what now? Saying something? Doing something? Balthazar wasn't a 'man' of big words , neither of feelings. He never felt such a strong feeling. Again minutes passed by. They both broke the glance , a cold "Why" , came over Castiel's lips. Balthazar replied just in the same monotone voice .. , " Because I had to." .

That was everything. Castiel turned around and left. Just like Balthazar did once. Balthazar didn't moved , he didn't followed Castiel , he knew why he left. And he was right. At this moment , nothing is left from the usually strong and arrogant angel.

Castiel needed Dean now. But Dean , didn't cared as always. Castiel felt lost and left behind. And no , that wasn't enough , there was still a war up in heaven , he had to deal with.

-Since Castiel and all the other Angel's thought God would be gone Castiel and the Archangel Raphael had a 'civil war' in heaven. Castiel wanted to be the leader and of course Raphael wanted the same.-

Well , let's go back to the main thing..

In the following days Balthazar just sat down on his couch , drinking. He repented what he did. The cool angel , was anything but not cool right now. He decided to search him. He wanted to explain everything , he didn't wanted to lose the angel , which meant the most to him. Castiel were as usual with the Winchesters. They were in a random motel , 'cause they had a 'job' there. So , Balthazar was there in the next moment , he stood in front of door , no idea why , but he peeked through a little window next to the door , he saw something , what he truly didn't wanted to see. Castiel laid in the arms of the Hunter , snuggled close to him. Balthazar backs off. A mix of unknown feelings came up in that Vessel. Madness , sadness , lack of understanding.. jealousy. Maybe now it's the time to reveal the true feelings of the Angel. Since years Castiel wasn't just a Brother for him , he wasn't just a good friend for him. No , the feelings for the younger Angel were stronger , much stronger. But since Balthazar acted like someone who didn't cared about something like this at all , acted like someone who would never able to truly Love someone , he didn't said anything. But in this moment , he were broken. Of course , he was gone for a long time , but could Castiel forgot so fast? He knew that this way to feel was wrong 'cause they were Brothers but he couldn't changed it. And there was always a bit of hope. But even this little hope was crushed now. A Human. A damn Human. He gave his love to a human. He changed his plans immediately. He walked away. Far away , just like he already did once.

Castiel felt the angelic power around the place. He looked around but there was nothing , there was no one. Deep inside he hoped that Balthazar would appear and everything would be like in the past. But , why should Balthazar do this? He never cared. He was sure somewhere partying , with much alcohol and woman. He had no idea what the truth was, he had no idea how Balthazar felt. But maybe , it's also time to tell the truth about the feelings of the younger Angel. The feelings he had once. As they fought together , as they were best friends , there was a moment which changed everything. In a battle , Balthazar protected Castiel like never before. Of course he did , Balthazar loved him , well in this moment Castiel realized what it meant to love someone. Yes , he felt love for his Brother , but not in the usual way, no. True Love. Of course Castiel would never even imagine that Balthazar would feel the same. He always thought Balthazar wasn't someone for this. Oh hell , two Brothers , which are in love with each other and they didn't even knew it. As Castiel thought that Balthazar would be dead , he almost broke down. And now , as he saw Balthazar , all this pain , all those feelings came back. He tried to forget about it. He leaned into Dean , wanted that these feelings for his Brother would go away. He failed. In the following evening Dean and Sam were out , drinking after they had done the job. Castiel stayed in the Motel. He was sure that he felt angelic power , he wanted to know who it was , he left the Motel room , walking around , searching for any sign. He didn't found anything , No sign, nothing.

As he stood there outside somewhere on a lonely street and as it started to rain , he wished that Balthazar would be with him right now. He didn't thought about Dean , no. Just Balthazar , just Balthazar was in his mind. He realized something , he realized that he still loved the other Angel. And it hurts , it hurts like on the first day he realized it. Maybe he should search Balthazar , search him and tell him the truth. Maybe he should.. but was it worth it? Everything could be ruined again. He took a deep breathe , the fresh cold air almost hurts a bit in his throat. He closed his eyes , trying to see where the other angel was. He found him , he was in Cleveland , in a wood. He had no idea what Balthazar did there , but he decided to appear there , he decided to tell him the truth even if it meant that nothing will be same again.

Balthazar sat on a tree trunk , close to a small lake. Throwing stones into the water , thinking about what to do next. He looked up , up to the sky , he needed .. help. He was broken , he felt so useless. As he heard the flutter of Castiel's wings he almost jumped up , turning around in the same move.

His eyes widen as he espied the other Angel. He stared at him , his heart was beating like hell. Should he , say something? Balthazar didn't knew what to do. Castiel stepped closer , through the slight fog on the ground. His hair moved a bit in the light breeze. Balthazar took a deeper , louder breathe , as Castiel looked around , curious.

"What are you doing here?" , Castiel broke the silence in a low tone. His gaze went back to Balthazar.

What now? Balthazar couldn't say the truth , no way , he had to think about a quick but plausible excuse "Working." His voice was weak , he didn't felt comfortable , he hated it to lie to Castiel.

"Working? Here? Well , it doesn't matter.. " he paused , his gaze went to the ground as he swallowed a bit harder , " I need to talk to you."

Balthazar frightened , he needed to talk to him? About what? About his amazing romance with the Hunter? He didn't wanted to hear that.. even if he was happy to see his beloved Brother , he knew that he would break down if he would hear how happy Castiel is with that hairless monkey. " Cas , I.. I can't , I have to work. I don't have time.." , he voice of the Angel gets more and more nervous , he tried to hide it , but he knew that he failed.

"Balthazar , Are you okay?" Castiel immediately saw that something was wrong with Balthazar , he knew him. He knew that he was lying right now , but why is he lying? Does he.. no , no.. this is crazy.

Okay , now , Balthazar had to be honest , Castiel knew that he was lying , but how to say that he loved him , that he loved him in more than an brotherly way? He shook his head slowly , " No. I'm not okay. Do you wanna' know why? Because I saw you with Dean Winchester. What my problem is? It broke my heart. My vessel was full of jealousy as I saw you laying in the Humans arm. Here we go again , the question , Why. Why? Because I love you Castiel. I Love you. I always loved you.. and I will always love you. But.. I'm not talking about the usually.. brotherly way , no.. it's stronger.. I ran away as I saw you with him , I wanted to tell you that I Love You and that I'm truly sorry that I left you behind. But.. there was no need to tell you as I saw you with Dean."

Castiel , he couldn't believe what he just heard , he just stood there , not moving. His breathe get's faster and faster , his heart almost jumps out of his chest. Balthazar loved him. He loved him , he loved him in the same way he loved Balthazar , now it was way easier for him to finally be honest , he stepped a few steps closer , his gaze on the ground but then went back to Balthazar , " Do you wanna' know why I am here right now? I stood in the middle of a lonely street , it was cold and I felt alone .. and the only thing I wanted was you by my side. I am here because I decided to tell you that I Love You. That I Love You , in the way you Love me. "

The eyes of the older angel widen again , he sparkle in his eyes was obvious. He walked around the tree trunk , stepped closer to Castiel until he stood right in front of him , he didn't said anything , he just placed one hand on the younger's cheek and pressed his lips softly on Castiel lips in a lovingly kiss.

Castiel immediately leaned into the kiss , he felt a tingle all over his body , he never felt such a thing when Dean kissed him. His eyes shut down , he finally had what he wanted. He couldn't even explain how happy he was.

Balthazar broke the kiss after a while , resting his forehead on Castiel's. His hand caressing over his cheek. It wasn't a dream. It was real and even if it was wrong , it felt so right. It felt right to kiss his brother. It felt right to touch his brother.

Both knew that it wasn't right , but Castiel and Balthazar promised that they wouldn't care about the other Angel's. He wanted to be together , they wanted to sleep next to each other , they wanted to laugh together and that was , what they did. Castiel broke up with Dean on the same night , before he made is way to Balthazar. They spent the first night together and more followed. They enjoyed every second they had with each other. And even after months , even after years , the love was as strong as it was on the first day .. and that never changed.


End file.
